I've recently completed a parenting course that's been really great in helping me understand some of those big childhood emotions and how to deal with the meltdowns, without getting dragged into the emotional vortex myself. Something that I found really valuable was learning about ways to maintain a strong connection with my child while dealing with the demands and worries of daily life, like jobs, school, finances, sports, healthy eating, etc.
What is child led play?
One of the suggested activities to build connection is to spend time with your child engaging in unstructured, child led play. So, just freeform playing with some toys, letting your child use their imagination and direct the game. Unstructured play helps build their imagination, fosters autonomy, and gives kids a sense of control. Many kids learn imaginative play all by themselves and they jump at the chance of having a parent in their imaginative world with them.
Why child led play is harder than it sounds
In theory, I love the idea, and I was so committed to giving it a crack and going with the flow. In practice, however, I found it quite difficult. Not only was I repeatedly told by my child that I was "doing it wrong," but at the end of a busy day, I had to admit that my creative capacity was limited. Remaining patient and engaged while having to repeat each 'scene' until I got it right was actually pretty hard.
I take my hat off to the parents that can master this one. It's definitely something that I'm going to have to keep working on to improve.
Why structured games work when you're exhausted
In the meantime, I've found more structured activities like playing card and board games are also really beneficial for maintaining connection with my children and as a way to wind down together after a busy day.
I like to think of myself as a creative person, but sometimes inventing games and new fun things to do is just too much when I'm tired. Structured play, like a card or board game, gives everyone a clear framework, an end goal, and a set of established rules to rely on.
Playing card games together is also a real equaliser because no one is the boss (well, except when my eldest decides she wants to be the bank in Monopoly). I love the freedom of not having to be the parent in the game, instead, I'm just another player. The game is the boss and everyone has to follow the same rules.
What the research says about family game night
And it turns out, playing a structured game as a family does a lot more than just pass the time before bed. An article published by the Society of Behavioral Medicine states that playing games as a family "supports more effective, open family communication and a greater sense of togetherness."
How we ended up making our own game
We have a cupboard stocked full of card and board games. But after playing all of the classics so many times, and finding some of them too much of a commitment before bed, we decided to take matters into our own hands. So, one day the kids and I sat at the kitchen table and designed our own game, The Golden Sausage card game.
Creating it actually turned out to be a really fun process and a bit of a bridge between unstructured creativity and structured rules. The kids got to use their wild imaginations to help come up with some hilarious cards and pictures. And now that it's finished, it's a great fast paced game that gives my tired parent brain the clear set of rules I need after a long day. We are so proud of what we made together, and because we built it to be as fun and interactive as possible, the kids want to keep playing it again and again.
If you're after specific games to try, here are the four that actually get played at our place.
You don't have to be brilliant at both
We all strive to be good parents. Sometimes you have the energy and creativity to give it all you've got and sometimes you just need to rely on a structured framework to support connection and help you through.
